Saturday, December 18, 2010

He's not ready.

When posting internet videos leads to superstardom.. Speaking of which, be sure to forward this to all your friends.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


THE AIRES, ML: We are in the moment of now. What once never was, is happening right this instant. Don't look with surprise, for you are the one in command. We fear nothing, for there is no longer anything of which we are unaware.

All problems are solved, all strife has eased. Every person has a job they love, and every lover has a mate of equal or greater status in their eyes. We roll around on the ground, and we like it that way. One more thing: It's very nice.

I was once naive like you, but no longer. I see things as they should be, not just how I want them to be. I run around in fields of grain on a daily basis. I walk among the people, not just with them. I circumvent all natural disasters. And so can you. Simply open up your mind, and you'll be able to take it.

Friday, September 03, 2010

IN MEMORIAM: Ochi's Lounge

COMIX, BSMT: I really enjoyed spending time in Ochi's Lounge, and I'm sad to see it go. Some of the shows were packed; others not so much. We all had a really fun time there with lots of bonding between both comedians and audience members. Sometimes famous performers who were doing shows upstairs would drop by and watch or give us a small set of their new material. Anything could happen!

You could watch great shows and order delicious food and tasty drinks, the bartender was always super chill and friendly, and there was always a fine selection of comedians hanging out there. It was our special spot, much more so than other comedy rooms about town. We enjoyed it a lot and hope for the best for all involved!!! Thanks again for great times and wonderful comedy!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

He really likes Gap Blue Jeans

This is a soce beat, and also he filmed and editing the video as well. Lights, camera, action! Please rate it 5 stars so that he may proceed onward.

**Note: This video is probably gone now, but he did go on to win the contest!!!**

Learn more about him at

Monday, August 30, 2010

Let's Talk Math.

When you are standing out on a roof top with a beautiful and intelligent lady, the first thing you should always do is ask her a math question that involves reaching to the very core of the earth. Also try to touch her hair. And dance with her in a doorway.

Monday, July 26, 2010

IN-DEPTH: Soce Speaks

PRESS ROOM, NT: Soce loves to talk to people, and sometimes they write down their discussions in the form of questions and answers, such as the following exchange:

PERSON: Why do you do something?

SOCE: There is a reason that I'd like to tell you.

PERSON: Thanks, that was very illuminating.

SOCE: Your last sentence wasn't a question.

PERSON: Got it.

SOCE: Pizza?

Recently, soce has talked with both Adam Bernard and The Apiary. Cheers.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

THOUGHTS: We Are Moving Somewhere

DARK ROOM, ST: We'll be moving from the club back to my place, if you know what I'm saying!!! At least that's what Jen Kwok is thinking when she sees you, you handsome so-and-so! Soce the elemental wizard himself produced the beat for this Katy Perry / Lady Gaga-styled anthem. Also features Miss CKC Carolyn Castiglia rapping and was directed by Ballard C. Boyd. Enjoy!!

Monday, July 12, 2010

NEWS UPDATE: The previous news brief was incorrect.

SALIMONEY, SP: Hi. First off, I'd like to apologize. I wrote something recently that was completely wrong. I'm not quite sure how it happened. Generally, our fact checkers are absolutely top-notch. However it looks like this time they weren't. I had been talking about a cup of coffee, but it turns out it was actually some chai tea.

Second off, I feel the need to clarify that I drink a multitude of flavoured beverages. I enjoy some beet-lemon juice as much as the next woman or man. Also, I drink pasta.

Third off, I'm hoping that in addition to listening to my "I'm sorry" speech, you will accept it and forgive me, so that we can all move on to some more pressing issues, such as what did she really say, or is he all that you can muster, or do they really walk like that?? Also, I've always wondered whether or not it was meant to be.

Fourth off (and this is my last one, for now), do you think that you could chew a little less loudly? It makes it hard for me to crack my knuckles when you're always making those mouth noises. I'm just sayin.. or am I?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Hip Hop, meet Math

soce and Prince Paul talk about music and math in a recording studio.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

HEY LADIES: Check your PDAs.

SKETCHY CLUB, VG: I was totally checking you out, woman, so I sent a txt msg to your phon. You know you got it, so why don't you give it a look / listen? Yes, it's one of those ultra high-powered 3D ones. It will totally wrangle you in and make you want to have smiles with me. We like to look happy, don't we? And wouldn't we do so together much? I think so.

I know that I'm reasonably cute, so we could totally work it out. And of course I'm crazy for you, lady, so this can be great if you would do me a solid and return the favour. Btdubs, I'm not sure what you call you. Woman? Lady? Gal? Female? Obvs you're no girl because you're older than a teenager.. though hopefully not by much, ha! Because I don't date anyone who's more than 1/5 my age!! And I'm quite old!

I mean, not that old. But yeah, I'm around 400 years old. And I'm sorry, but I am!! No!! I'm not going to apologize just for being who I am. This is me. If you can't see me, then you're missing the whole picture, babe. I am a person, and [[steps onto milk crate]] if this is not the person who can photo yourself being with, then golly dashart, this is not AMERICA! [[massive cheering and applause]]

So what u doin tonit?

Monday, June 28, 2010

NEW POST: This will tell you something

ANTARKANSAS, TX: There's a lot of stuff this won't tell you. There's also a bit that you'd rather not hear, so I'll respect your request for privacy. And yes, I've been getting feedback that this looks like the fake text that appears in spamvertisement emails, yet that won't deter me.

I think that things happen for a reason. Like for instance, something happened not too long ago, and that made me smile. Maybe it was because a man was staring at me angrily. Maybe it was because I was enjoying some fresh air. Maybe it was because I accidentally crushed my conditional container while in the shower with the strength of my bare hands.

Regardless, they affect not just me but often others nearby. We order food. We get the food. We eat the food. And then soon enough, we're ready for more. It's up to you to decide what to eat, in this case. Try to make it healthy, right? Well am I correct or not? I'm still waiting to hear back from you.

In closing, I would like to repeat what I've already said earlier on in this term paper but change the wording slightly. So maybe not talk about the beef and vegetables but this time focus on the positive outlook on like that's necessary for you to get anywhere. Because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's turning historical prose into yet another chance for me to lecture you on how you're living your life.

Friday, June 25, 2010

FOUND OUT: Facts that will effect you dearly

OLD LAKE, JM: Hi. Before I begin with this crazy important brief and tedious news bulletin, let me tell you that I am looking great today. I don't know how I do it, but I just somehow do. It could possibly be the hair gel that I thought about getting, or perhaps the fact that I finally "stuck a fork in it". Either way (probably neither of those), I'm feeling quite fine, and ain't nobody going to ruin my high.

So, on to the next one. I hear that there's some killer new apps out for the phone-phone (that thing that rings or plays a song or shakes when someone wants to talk to you?) that you may want to check out, for they will have life-threatening consequences if you don't. This one does some amazing stuff. So cool that I'm not going to bother to provide any other details.

Also, have you heard the news? Someone died recently. I'm sorry to have had to break it to you like this, but I just did. And no, that's not a spoiler, because it hasn't happened yet!! Oh, it will though.. Very soon. I hear that he or she was very important to someone. He was a person who lived his life to the fullest, and my how he loved to laugh. That guy. Couldn't stop laughing.

Finally, I am of the opinion that there could be more done to affect the economy. Specifically, the oil spill. I mean don't get me wrong, there are lots of cool PR spins, and some people are getting hired, and others fired, and some are racing yachts and apologizing, but really? I mean, really? On the rillz, as they say? Let's put in a napkin and start building some roads, people!! Government infrastructure! Vote!

I'm sick of the coffee drinkers having all the say! What about us hot cocoa'ers!! Think of the children? When do they get to vote? Oh, when they turn 18? Well, that makes sense. Sometimes after I vote, I like to tell my friends, "I votod."

Monday, May 24, 2010


PENNSAUKEN, NJ: We live in an era where things exist. Not just anything, but specific things. Other things as well. Often, we'd like to make additional money or else get more for less. Well, now we can.

It's been a lot of work, but you've finally created something very exciting for us. We just can't wait for you to unveil your latest creation. It's going to be something else, you can assure us of that.

Winding our way through the main streets, we seek you out. You say you don't want to ruin the surprise, but we know you're just dying to drop some hints; at least a few. If you proceed to clam up, then we're going to have to bat it out of you, and you probably don't want that.

Thanks so much for doing this for us. We can't say how helpful it is. Many have tried to hold us back and sell us small items while making pithy remarks, but not you. No, you have been nothing but the kindest, gentlest person for us. Waiting is difficult, but we will do what we can. Thanks.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


CRANSTON, NJ: I took a walk down the street. I was holding some red juice in my hand. Not in a cup. Well, my hands were cupped. It was fun. But then I tripped, and it got all over my shirt. My brand new white shirt!!

I was so unhappy. Life is tough some times. So I went to wash it. I poured soap and water into the sink and let it soak as I hoped for the best. Witnesses describe my mood as "melodramatic".

Later on, I was seen strutting somewhere else, this time holding some blue juice in my cupped hands, wearing another crisp, clean tee. This person never learns.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

NEWS BULLETIN: People Could Die

CITY, TOWN: There was something that happened somewhere. From what I remember, there was a lot of screaming. People ran from one place to another. Then they waited a lot. If they hadn't been so careful, some people could have died. It was a pretty dangerous situation.

We're looking at grainy videotape footage in order to determine what actually occurred. Hopefully we'll have some results soon. I hear it's raining outside? We believe it was a man that committed the original act, although it may very well have been a woman.

This little misfortune cost the industry over 37 billion dollars. Imagine what would've happened had some people gotten hurt! An extra $42.59 of debt! Yikes! But thankfully, it didn't.

We appreciate the work of all those who've done great jobs scouting for signs of trouble. I'm sure it's quite difficult, and you totally did it. Excellent job. We really like those of you who are on horseback. Now if you can turn off the spigot somehow, that would be great too. Your PR advertisements aren't fooling me. Although to be honest, for many years, they were, and I thought you were great. Keep at it.

Monday, May 03, 2010

In Which Soce Goes Back in Time

The names's Guillaume. Don't forget the name. Video created by smallGRAND productions. Video Produced by Dan Haley. Video Directed and edited by Rachel Gordon. Music performed and produced by Soce the Elemental Wizard.

Friday, April 09, 2010

Let's talk about more math.

These two guys are absolutely thrilled to talk about the size of soce's farm.. mathematically. Why doesn't he just tell him the answer in the first place?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

SAUCE: It got that sauce

EATERY, VA: Sometimes food can be good, but it can also be dry. Don't you hate that? You want to sink your teeth it, but sometimes you need to cough a few times first before taking a bite. But then once you're fully prepared, everything's fine.

So you may want to add in a little liquid that also contains flavoring. I also tend to like things that are spicy. Don't you? If I'm not crying while eating, then well.. what's the point? Oh, to provide me with nutrients because I'm a growing boy and/or girl, you say? I suppose, dear, I suppose.

Do yourself a favor and grab a bottle today. Interesting that sauce rarely comes in cans. It may be in a jar. Sometimes, it's just curry powder, and then you have to add in coconut milk or some other such substance. Gosh, this is a bit of an educational post, sort of. I didn't mean for it to be like that. I should get back to telling you important news. We shall see, won't we.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

OPINION PIECE: Does a phone cost money?

Hi. This is the editor here, and I have something to say. All this time, I have been using a phone, and I had no idea whether or not it costs money. So let's examine some facts and come to a conclusion. Do you like that idea? I feel that's really the only way to be certain. Besides, it's not a democracy. I'm here to write; you're here to read. That being said, I do appreciate your feedback, even if I ultimately don't heed it.

Fact 1) Phones have buttons. These buttons must be pushed numerous times if you wish to connect your phone to someone else's. At that point, you must raise the phone up to your face in order that your voice may be heard. Note that it is not necessary to speak into a phone if the person you're trying to communicate with is standing nearby. In that case, simply face the direction of said operative and speak toward his or her ears. That should suffice, as long as you are making sense.

Fact 2) You don't need to insert money into the phone. This and this alone would lead me to believe that phones are free. Here I am, talking, texting and web surfing (on some models.. can you imagine!) without paying anybody anything. All that really happens is that I receive an envelope mailed to my home address with some pieces of paper, and then some numbers change on a website and in a database somewhere, but it's not like I need to reach into my wallet every time I make a call, right? I mean, who would I even give the money to?? That would be just silly, handing out dollar bills to anyone who happened to be passing by.

Fact 3) I can't have everything that I want. This is more of an annoyance than an actual fact. For reals, though, why can't I? I think I'm a good person who deserves the best, but apparently not everyone else does. I guess it's up to me to go around convincing them or at least to let my work speak for itself. But work can't talk! It's not like my work is alive. Well, supposedly it lives on in people's hearts, but that's another matter altogether.

Okay so in total, we have one point toward, one against and another in a third direction. I guess that makes it a multi-way tie. I might need to bring in some experts on the matter.