Wednesday, June 30, 2010

HEY LADIES: Check your PDAs.

SKETCHY CLUB, VG: I was totally checking you out, woman, so I sent a txt msg to your phon. You know you got it, so why don't you give it a look / listen? Yes, it's one of those ultra high-powered 3D ones. It will totally wrangle you in and make you want to have smiles with me. We like to look happy, don't we? And wouldn't we do so together much? I think so.

I know that I'm reasonably cute, so we could totally work it out. And of course I'm crazy for you, lady, so this can be great if you would do me a solid and return the favour. Btdubs, I'm not sure what you call you. Woman? Lady? Gal? Female? Obvs you're no girl because you're older than a teenager.. though hopefully not by much, ha! Because I don't date anyone who's more than 1/5 my age!! And I'm quite old!

I mean, not that old. But yeah, I'm around 400 years old. And I'm sorry, but I am!! No!! I'm not going to apologize just for being who I am. This is me. If you can't see me, then you're missing the whole picture, babe. I am a person, and [[steps onto milk crate]] if this is not the person who can photo yourself being with, then golly dashart, this is not AMERICA! [[massive cheering and applause]]

So what u doin tonit?

Monday, June 28, 2010

NEW POST: This will tell you something

ANTARKANSAS, TX: There's a lot of stuff this won't tell you. There's also a bit that you'd rather not hear, so I'll respect your request for privacy. And yes, I've been getting feedback that this looks like the fake text that appears in spamvertisement emails, yet that won't deter me.

I think that things happen for a reason. Like for instance, something happened not too long ago, and that made me smile. Maybe it was because a man was staring at me angrily. Maybe it was because I was enjoying some fresh air. Maybe it was because I accidentally crushed my conditional container while in the shower with the strength of my bare hands.

Regardless, they affect not just me but often others nearby. We order food. We get the food. We eat the food. And then soon enough, we're ready for more. It's up to you to decide what to eat, in this case. Try to make it healthy, right? Well am I correct or not? I'm still waiting to hear back from you.

In closing, I would like to repeat what I've already said earlier on in this term paper but change the wording slightly. So maybe not talk about the beef and vegetables but this time focus on the positive outlook on like that's necessary for you to get anywhere. Because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's turning historical prose into yet another chance for me to lecture you on how you're living your life.

Friday, June 25, 2010

FOUND OUT: Facts that will effect you dearly

OLD LAKE, JM: Hi. Before I begin with this crazy important brief and tedious news bulletin, let me tell you that I am looking great today. I don't know how I do it, but I just somehow do. It could possibly be the hair gel that I thought about getting, or perhaps the fact that I finally "stuck a fork in it". Either way (probably neither of those), I'm feeling quite fine, and ain't nobody going to ruin my high.

So, on to the next one. I hear that there's some killer new apps out for the phone-phone (that thing that rings or plays a song or shakes when someone wants to talk to you?) that you may want to check out, for they will have life-threatening consequences if you don't. This one does some amazing stuff. So cool that I'm not going to bother to provide any other details.

Also, have you heard the news? Someone died recently. I'm sorry to have had to break it to you like this, but I just did. And no, that's not a spoiler, because it hasn't happened yet!! Oh, it will though.. Very soon. I hear that he or she was very important to someone. He was a person who lived his life to the fullest, and my how he loved to laugh. That guy. Couldn't stop laughing.

Finally, I am of the opinion that there could be more done to affect the economy. Specifically, the oil spill. I mean don't get me wrong, there are lots of cool PR spins, and some people are getting hired, and others fired, and some are racing yachts and apologizing, but really? I mean, really? On the rillz, as they say? Let's put in a napkin and start building some roads, people!! Government infrastructure! Vote!

I'm sick of the coffee drinkers having all the say! What about us hot cocoa'ers!! Think of the children? When do they get to vote? Oh, when they turn 18? Well, that makes sense. Sometimes after I vote, I like to tell my friends, "I votod."