SURPRISE: soce is a two-headed goat

LADAKH, KASHMIR: People have spotted a two-headed goat walking down the streets, and they are positive beyond a doubt that it is soce. They saw the goat being herded by a particularly sexy blonde celebrate named [Ed: Name withheld by request.], and she was doing her trademark action of [Ed: Action withheld by request], along with [Ed: Withheld by request] and [Ed: etc].

How are they so positive that it's soce? "Welllll..." began a man who was actually quite handsome, and we're thinking about approaching him for his phone number after this interview wraps up.. but it's actually kind of tough because despite our serious exterior, we're really quite shy and forlorn about our own life situations and placement, "He had soce's swagger, he was all like walking down the street and talking to himself.

"Mostly speaking in goat tongue of course, but he had this inimitable rhythm to his flow, it was like there was a real message to it. Even a story, perhaps. Oh, and when he wasn't speaking his cute lil goat language, he was quacking like a duck, or possibly tweeting like a fish, oops I mean bird chick." Our witness then leaned forward, and we saw that he had a very hairy chest.. Dreamy. We leaned toward him as well to perhaps give him a small peck on the neck, but we accidentally bumped heads.. That was a bit awkward, but he played it off now by ignoring that it ever happened, finally adding, "I have to go."

So this goat walked around the city some more and then was seen scaling some rock cliffs. The woman he was with sometimes had to assist him, pushing him up the really steep parts. In exchange, he let her ride him during the flat parts. She seemed mostly at ease, although sometimes she was visibly distressed, making claims about "needing to reschedule a meeting with her publicist".

Most people were impressed at seeing soce for the first time. Others, not so much. Trent Trinkleberry had this on his mind, "It's a lot like when MTV2 came out with their logo The Two-Headed Dog, and they had a website and everything. I mean it was all over Friendster in the 80s, oh wait I mean like 2003-2004. It was weird, too because they played some videos such as 'Extreme Walking' that had been played on MTV1 years before, so it wasn't even like they were ushering in anything new. And that's how I feel about soce as well."

Not ushering in anything new, you say? In response, soce's right head had this to say, "Blort." While his left head, during a different interview, stated: "Baaaaaah."