SPOTTED: soce pushes buttons on piece of plastic

AKVILIGJUAQ, NUNAVUT: We have recently received word that Mr. Soce (US, NYC) has been seen walking about the street and pushing various buttons on a piece of plastic. It may be partially metallic as well, or there could be some glass. Perhaps it is just clear plastic. We're not quite sure what he's doing or why.

At times, he is smiling, other times looking woeful. Recently, he switched from using his thumbs and is now poking at it using other fingers. Perhaps he may begin using his nose or elbows. Well, probably not. I mean, the buttons don't appear to be all that big. Plus then he'd have a hard time seeing the screen. I mean, really.

There was a witness who noted the color of the machine he was holding, but we apologize as we recently lost him. In fact our next article is going to be about a missing witness, so I guess that's a bit of a heads up.. If you know of a man who's missing, then please by all means report to us, just as we have been reporting to you. But perhaps don't report to us about soce and his mysterious box-type thing.. Let us know about the absent witness instead.

In other news.. Oh wait, soce appears to have put the piece of plastic in his pocket. No, oops he's taken it back out again. It seems the plastic tablet has a bit of control over his life. I wonder what it does. We are currently reporting that we have no idea what it's for, but we will continue to tell you what we do and don't know. For instance, we're not sure if it's square or round, or it may possibly be a rounded square.

I believe that it does something. I mean, it would be silly if he were just pushing buttons all day on a lifeless object that made nary a sound or image, amirite, folks? Maybe it delivers some information or else helps him out in a way. It could be a form of entertainment, although he mostly seems to curse at it. Hold up. I just heard him say, "Dog-gonnit!!!" He sounds pretty mad. Oh wait. I believe *I* am that missing witness we discussed earlier. Mystery solved. Hey, where's my film crew?