SHOCKING!! soce attends book-signing

MONTPELIER, VT: It was with great surprise that we came across soce at a local bookstore. There was an in-store reading that night at 7pm. soce showed up at 6pm and wandered about, aimlessly. A few minutes later, he approached someone who was working near the entrance.

"Well first thing he does is he asks me, 'Hey ahhh, is there like a, ahhh, ummm a book reading tonight?' And I tells him, I says, 'Okay man, you're gonna wanna go to the back of the store and then hook a left over by the sign that points to the special events area," maintained Dean Krantz, who was running security detail that night.

He then proceeded to work his way back over there, although he cut across a few aisles instead of just going straight down the projected path. When he arrived, he could see a few others were already waiting around at the rows of chairs that were already set up. There was also a stage, presumably for the author, plus some of the authors books on display as well.

Marianella Paropel, who along with others was helping to run the special event that night told us in a super-exclusive interview: "Yeah I saw this guy, and he came over to the books that were on display. He then asked me how he could get his hands on a copy. Was he supposed to take one of these, then go all the way back to the cash registers to purchase it, then go back all the way to hear or what? I told him no, don't do that at all.

"What he needed to do was go back to the checkout line, but NOT grab any of these display copies, because they would have additional copies on the shelves behind the registers that were meant for purchase, and that way we wouldn't need to restock these display copies. That man the walked away, presumably to do what I told him to do.

"Although I will say this," she added, pausing for effect and even taking a moment to whip out her notepad and draw a sketch of a flying monkey. "Some other people actually did grab display copies. I then did have to refill the shelves before the author got up to speak. The things I do around here."

Witnesses say that after soce finally purchased his own copy of the book, he was seen sitting down in one of the chairs, not too close to the stage, but not too far away either. They believe he even went as far as to open up the book and stare intensely at the pages, turning them every few minutes. It's unclear whether he was actually reading the words on the page or just utilizing his superior acting skills in order to fool anyone nearby.

Eventually the author came over, read a passage from his book and did some q & a. Then there was the signing. Paropel had this to say about it: "Well, we didn't want any sort of mad rush to the stage, because you know how people get after they hear one of their favorite authors speak. So we have this system, you see? We pull people up, row by row. And to make sure the author gets their name right when he signs it, we ask for that person's name and then write it on a post-it that we put inside the book, on the page that includes both the book's title and the author's name.

"Normally, people just told me their names. But when soce came up, he spelled it out for me as "s-o-c-e". Which was good, because I would've probably written 'sossaeugh' if he hadn't specified. Oh, and also!!!" she sputtered out after we had already finished shutting off our tape recorder, forcing us to turn it back on, "We needed to check to make sure people had receipts to our store before letting them get their books signed. Can't just have people buying his book elsewhere and expecting us to let them sign it here! Yiikes, what is this.. the seventies??? Free love and all that crap? Don't come around here looking for no hand-out."

soce looked pretty meek while he stood in line, as though he didn't want to cause any problems. Perhaps he was trying to figure out what to discuss with the author when it was his turn. Or perhaps he was deciding whether or not to get a delicious magic bar at the bookstore's bakery or just get a leek quiche instead, followed by some fresh berries purchased from Whole Foods. Who knows.

Before he reached the front of the line, soce was seen handing off his book to someone who worked at the store. That person then handed the book to the author. soce and the author had a brief conversation. The author apparently recognized soce from previous online correspondences. He initially made the rookie mistake of calling him "So-Cheh", but soce quickly responded that most people think that's how to pronounce his name, so he is used to it, even going so far as to joke that "soce" is actually just a made-up name with a made-up correct pronunciation. As if!!!

Then they discussed some other stuff, such as the future of hip hop music, and soce went merrily on his way. Someone who followed him out of the bookstore and into the subway system [ed note: Montpelier has subways??] heard him say outloud.. "Hmm.. I normally carry my iPod or Nintendo DS with me.. but today, I have neither. If only there was something I could do to pass the time. Oh wait, I have this book I just bought. Fancy that." And then he opened up the book and read it (or perhaps simply stared blankly at the pages) until his train came. More details as we find out.

MUST READ!! soce orders hotdog

BANGOR, ME -- soce was one again spotted in the street. It is believed that he slowly but surely turned his body as he was walking and diverted his direction toward a hotdog stand on the street.

He then began engaging in a mysterious dialogue with a man who could only be described as existing "inside a window". It's quite possible that soce was simply talking to himself while looking into a window. soce also spent some time looking at a sign that contained various words, and beside those words, numbers, dollar signs and other punctuation marks.

There were at least a half-dozen people gathered to witness this latest publicity stunt. Most of them were gathered directly behind this ultra popular megastar who is famous for absolutely no reason, perhaps in the hopes that they too could receive food by talking into this mysterious window.

After soce finished his brave and stirring monologue, he reached into his pocket, where he pulled out a stunning billfold. From within that wallet, he again reached in so that he could grab some green pieces of paper and a few shiny metallic circles. He then used his magical talents to make the money disappear from his hand and then travel downward, where it reappeared on the window sill.

A few minutes later, a man's hand reached out and handed soce a hotdog. The hotdog was in a bun, which was in a thin paper basket. soce walked over to a nearby counter and began grabbing napkins and condiments "as if he owned the place", according to local pharmacist Richard Rolando.

"He must've grabbed two, possibly three napkins and used a good five or so squirts of ketchup and mustard on top of the meat. Mind you, the squirts unleashed the tiny of tiniest dots, but still, he had a lot of nerve. I personally would've just fled the scene, but he stuck around, eating his hotdog until he was finished."

After consuming his meal, soce stuck around for a bit, simultaneously rubbing his stomach and looking back at the sign and window, as though he was deciding whether or not to order more food or just move on. This is the last that we've heard of the situation. If anything new happens, we'll be sure to let you know.

THIS JUST IN: soce blows nose, coughs

FRANCONIA NOTCH, NH -- On exactly 8:05pm last Sunday SOCE was spotted walking down the street when he stopped, pulled a tissue out of his pocket and proceeded to blow his nose into it. He continued this many times over several minutes.

"It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen," stated Mark Bisbee (**names have been changed**). "He just kept that tissue up to his nose, sometimes folding it into smaller and smaller rectangles. The look on his face was one that resembled vague discomfort."

Just when it was believed that he was finished with this strange ritual, he turned his head to the side, raised his arm up and coughed slightly into it.

"I was astounded," Mark continued. "At first, he's doing one thing. Then, he's doing something else. I wasn't sure what he was going to do next."

Fellow onlooker Grace Shinobi agreed, "Yeah, it was really quite something. I hope he's okay. I've never seen anyone blow their nose or cough like that before."

After the nose-blowing / coughing incident, soce proceeded to walk down the street until he found a trashcan, where he promptly threw the tissue away. He looked closely at the trashcan to make sure he didn't miss when he threw it out.

"If he had missed on that throw, he probably would've bent down to pick it up. Sure, it would've gotten his hands dirty, but he's that kind of stand-up guy that he would look out for the surrounding community and make sure that his own garbage ends up in the proper place," Grace said, while licking a freshly scooped cone of ice cream.

More details on this story pending. We will do our best to keep you up to date.

soce on twitter.

I have a regular twitter feed as well as one where I just give out math problems.

Man, my blog is so fun, entertaining and insightful!! This gives you the real look at what my life is really all about. Good times, yeah.